Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Reluctant Family Member?

All too often I get calls from people who want help organizing someone else's space or things. Unfortunately, there is no magic bullet, and any professional organizer will tell you that organizing someone's stuff without their involvement is a recipe for disaster.

So what to do, then, when a spouse or family member is reluctant to get organized?
  • Lead by example. Without a doubt, there are spaces that you can tidy up without "touching" the other person's stuff. By working on your own in your own space (or a space shared with others), you can create a more peaceful, functional environment and provide a great example of what is possible with some effort behind getting organized. Maybe you can tackle a linen closet or junk drawer and make it easier for everyone to find everyday items. Or set up a family message center or mail processing area that everyone can use.
  • Start with small, manageable projects. Getting some momentum going by tackling a smaller task or problem area can get everyone into the mood to organize and can make it feel less overwhelming.
  • Let them know how being disorganized is affecting you/making you feel. The important strategy here is to personalize the message and make it about you, versus putting blame on the other person. Instead of "your space is a mess and it's no wonder you always lose your keys," try "I feel out of control and stressed out because our office isn't set up well for us."
  • Recognize that organizational systems aren't one-size-fits all. Everyone has a unique learning style and works in their own ways. Some are visual and like to see everything in front of them; others like to put everything behind closed doors. Understand that what works for you organizationally may not make sense for your partner or family member.
  • Be non-judgmental. As difficult as it may be, try not to assign blame or make someone feel bad about their lack of organization. Positive reinforcement and support is what is required to get on the right track.
  • Be patient. Organization doesn't come naturally for many people, and it will take some trial and error, and constant effort to turn old habits around. Offer support, but realize that many people want to work at their own pace and not have others handle their things. Recognize the best times to work on organizing and know that just because you're in the mood doesn't mean your partner is. Learn to work at their peak energy times.

A special thanks to The BB for posing for the obstinate family member image. Editors note: The BB is anything but reluctant and has made great strides. :)

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